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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Just a random lunch time thought….

Well, not random to me, as it usually crosses my mind a billion times a day. As you all know by now 99.9% of my sketches and paintings are inspired by Lee DeWyze and his music. I have days like yesterday where I am trying to concentrate on work and out of nowhere my mind gets flooded with all these sketch ideas that I have to hold in until I get home and hopefully have the time to sketch them out. I cannot really explain it, but it’s like a flood gate just opens and I cannot think of anything else. Although it’s frustrating when I can’t just drop everything and work on my art, I love those days. I get excited about getting them onto paper or explaining them to someone (even though there are literally only two people in the world that “get “ my ideas and can picture them as I talk. Lol) I love that. 
Then there is the other side of this creative connection…. I would never change anything about what inspires me and the way it feels, but it is frustrating that I CAN NOT and have no desire to create when I am not inspired. When I cannot create, I get sad.  I saw a perfect quote once, “Art is the overflow of emotion into action” by Brian Raif. Exactly.  It’s another thing that is hard to explain because I do not even understand it myself. I went to Art school, I could always “draw”…I just never really wanted to. I can honestly say that I cannot create until it is Lee inspired. It could be as small as knowing he is going into the studio. 
I could not have an art job where I had to go in everyday and draw what people tell me to. That does not make me happy. The ONLY time art makes me happy is when I am listening to that voice and zoning in on those lyrics where something just clicks and I need to create a visual for it. It’s my happy place, it kind of feels like when I lived at home with my grandmother if that makes sense. Like I am supposed to be there.  This bothers me sometimes. I’ve always been pretty independent and learned very young that I can’t reply on other people, so sometimes it bothers me that my creativity is 100% dependent on Lee and him creating his music. It’s the only thing that drives my creativity and that confuses me.  
Do they have support groups for this kind of thing? 

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